Prayer Journal - Day One

But God, what am I to do with my list?

Time for some honesty –

I am a Christian, and by Your grace, God I try to live like You would want me to live.  By Your grace and my efforts of course, okay, in fact maybe I should reverse those and say, I am going to try my hardest to live like You want me to live, and hopefully You can help me with this chore.  But to better help Your efforts of changing me and transforming me I have prepared a list of things to do, attitudes to have, and steps to get me to where I am pleasing to You on a more regular basis.

Can any of you reading this relate to what I just said?  Now to extend my honesty, my list has changed over the years.  Not only in content, but in mission, purpose, perspective, etc., but it’s still a list and it tends to be what I use to determine just how “good of a Christian” I am at the current moment.

In my early years it was a list of just doing enough to get by and somehow eek my way into heaven, and then it changed drastically to a list of rules and regulations that were so strict and severe any good legalistic law-keeper would stand up and cheer.  It’s changed many times through the years but always it has been there.

I believe with all my heart that this list has kept me from realizing the greatness of a true uninhibited relationship with my God.  So back to my original question; God what am I to do with this list?  It’s full of good things; like how to be a better dad, and a better husband, and what I need to do to be a better Christian, and what I need to do to be a better minister, and what I need to do to be a better friend.  All of these things are important aren’t they? I’ve even recently added things that will help me lose weight, and be healthier, and fell better. 

The problem is that it’s all my effort and I still haven’t accomplished the only real thing God wants from me.  My life, He wants it all, He wants control, He wants to be at the helm, He wants to be the reason for my existence and as long as I keep trying to be a better person driven  by my ever changing list, He’s only getting what I allow Him to have, and even on my very best day, that is soooooooo weak.

So God, I’m giving you my list.  I know that there is a good chance that I’ll take it back, and please forgive me when I do, but each day, starting today, will you lead me in a quest to be list free and debt free (not money debt, but the sin debt you took from me so long ago).  I’m ready to let you be my everything, not just my pilot.

Lance